Jiroemon Kimura - Oldest living man in history dies

Today I was informed by the internet, in particular my daily rounds at wikipedia that the worlds oldest man died. I no its sad, yes, that someone dies but come on. Seriously, when he was a kid people didn't live to a third of his age. I mean come on, what is this crap. I was looking for serious information. I don't just go onto the internet looking for nothing. I mean he took me off my baby cat searching time of the day, I mean who the hell cares. Well I do suppose hell is caring right now, because there's a 50-50 chance he's going there now.
Trust me people, I have friends In very high places, well in this case low places but you get the idea. 

Right now, heaven and hell are playing poker trying to decide who gets this man. And let me tell you something, what your thinking is wrong. There not playing for who gets him because they want him, there playing for who gets stuck with him. Talking about who where stuck with, how about Hassan Rouhani. Recently he was elected as the next president of Iran. During his campaign to become president he promised to close the ties between with the U.S. and Iran, return to negotiating on nuclear weapons and also to reform the country.

I do of course wonder what he means by close "ties" with the U.S. Is he referring to giving Google and Facebook a free roam around the countries internet. If so, many would consider this a pre-emptive strike as the N.S.A. scandal continues. Can anyone expect any privacy in the world. Now I am forced to stop watching porn on my phone at work, and move my you-no-what out the way of my laptops webcam whenever I'm going at it. COME ON! Can't anyone get some privacy in the world.

"No of course not. Where do you think you are, Mars?"

"No I'm not in Mars, I'm in Iran!" 

~ Josh.